Procedures

The witch at the dumpsters told me it probably wasn't going to hurt at all, but I decided that 11 am isn't too early to drink a few prophylactic beers.

This afternoon, in order to have a small tumor removed from my cervix, I'll be going in for a short procedure, where the doctor will use an electric knife in a place that should never get within a mile of any knife, and probably shouldn't be around electricity either.

I was assured that if I took four advil before going in, that should probably take care of any pain.

It's not the pain that I'm worried about, it's the fear! I just don't handle fear well.

I'm pretty frightened at the thought of sneezing at an inappropriate moment. Or coughing. Or even moving.

And why does it bother me that this is happening on Halloween? Did I watch too much Screaming Yellow Theater when I was growing up?

I'm also a little worried about my firewood. I mean, I worked all weekend, and I still have a pile of wood that now features an eighth of an inch of frozen snow on its surface.

I think the lawnmower's still out in the yard somewhere, too.

Of course, this year I'll have an excuse for that - my procedure.